Tough Times

I suppose no one really prepares us for tough times such as we face today. Every generation claims that they had it so rough to the next generation ahead of them. However, I think what makes it especially rough for those born in the 70's is that we really had it great and now have to deal with all that surrounds us with our spoiled mentality. Unlike generations before us-we did not have it rough-so we cannot make that claim. Think about it....Everything was so easy when we were younger that it seems now. We were the generation that did have it all when young, Safe home, supper on the table at 5p when Dad got home. Pool parties on warm sunny days, summer vacation, hanging out with friends, riding bikes down the street and home before the street lights went on at night. Stability. Normalcy. For most of us back then it seems. Knowing that Mom and Dad had the same jobs they always did and knowing you were in a safe home tucked in each night. Things that were always there, a comfort not often though of.

Now, it seems as if it were just a dream. As an adult, even when married, I was a single Mom. I was the one who made the supper each night and paid the bills for those lights that were turned out as they were safely tucked into bed each night-I was married on paper, not in reality as my father was to my mother in his own stability. I thought I would have the same job for years as my parent's before me seemed to have. Now, I don't know where the next dollar is coming from.

In our parent's generation, one could get a job out of high school or college and expect to stay there until retirement and then to move down to Florida. Us, well, all around us things are closing down. I certainly don't need to go into detail about that. There is not even the stability of marriage anymore. The world seems to be teetering out of control and I sometimes feel lost in it.

Before, once and a while someone would have a rough time with things. Now, it seems that it is contagious-everyone seems to be suffering from hard times not even imagined. In the 80's one could just walk right into a place and potentially be hired. Now you drown in an endless quagmire of oblivion when searching for jobs. I hear about mills in this area being shut down all of the time-and with each closing-hundreds lose their jobs and are tossed aside. With more and more closings-including the ending of my own program and employment-I feel as if this area is becoming a ghost town. People are walking around in a daze-wondering when things will go back to something even close to normal. Grasping for some sort of stability no one seems to even remember anymore.

Distant memories of jaded times are becoming more and more hazy. It does not even seem to hurt that there will be no more retirement funds left by the time my generation needs it.

Up here, people are fighters. We can survive on almost nothing and to withstand unendurable cold with every incredible means possible. It is not uncommon to hear about people not having any money for propane or oil for heat and of having to heat their trailers with hairdryers and heating plates. Of knowing tricks of keeping that valuable heat inside by hanging drapes over the windows and piling on blankets. Of people not only losing their jobs-but their vehicles and homes. I am hearing more and more stories of human suffering all around me and I will fight to keep smiling and to not lose my humor-for that will keep us alive for when the better times return.

In Maine people will help one another with the last dollar, knowing that it might be them next time. I hope people can learn from people here that lesson and to not give up hope. I will smile and know that I have worked hard and will keep searching for something out there. I do need money to keep this farm going and to feed my children. I know that I am not alone. Sorry this is so sad-but this needs to be written. People need to know about the incredibly brave people that live up here and of how strong we all are and silly when times are tough. We take pride in our accomplishments and gain strength from all we are enduring. Pulling ourselves up each time we fall and are made stronger each time. Learning more and more ways to get off that grid that is failing us. Growing our own food and living off the land. We will come out of this stronger and full of pride. Never forgetting what brought us up when we were knocked down again and again. Each other.

Survival

Well another day another 50 cents... Due to this economy, that it just what it seems lately. However, I feel that I have spent most of my adult life in just surviving the next road block. I would certainly consider myself quite proficient at it almost, especially lately.

My childhood was quite normal in fact. Life was very predictable and dinner was almost always on the table at 5:30p. Life in Plainville was safe and happy. My parents wonderful people who provided a solid foundation for which I had many times to rely upon. We speak daily and it is a nice connection. In the summer they are right outside my window across my field of sheep here as my neighbor and in the winter, they are far away in Florida (connected by a telephone wire). I thank them a million times over for giving me a childhood which I have spent my whole adult life trying to simulate the best I can to my three daughters. My solid childhood was filled with an almost dreamlike predictability that seems almost foreign in my adult life. My parents are of the generation where one could get a job out of college and plan on staying there until retirement. They retired from long standing comfortable positions. My father in insurance as the vice president of claims to Quincy Mutual and my mother as the Art teacher for the elementary schools of Foster Rhode Island. They each commuted forty five minutes to work each day. My mother working on Mondays, Tuesday and Wednesdays and home always for us on Thursdays and Fridays. I used to think of my life as boring and how I pray for even a fraction of that which I found dull as a child for my adult life. I had piano lessons, art lesson and tennis at the local tennis club (Tennis 95 in Foxboro-now no longer there). We would have a vacation once a year and summer camp at the Hockamock YMCA in North Attleboro. We had a dog and two cats and a pool to swim in during the summer.

I have spent my whole life trying to give even a fraction of that blissful normalcy to my three daughters. Never mind my own personal road blocks along the way. I had always been determined.

I was destined to become an art teacher like my mother, I had always loved art. I secretly wanted to also be a writer and an Egyptologist. I should have listened to them. They knew security and how to reach it. They had both lost their parents young and secured a wonderful life for us and knew the hard ships out there that they wanted to protect us from.

Not me, I jumped right into life and ran for it. I was a rebellious artist and lived with my heart. My parents had sent me to college at Southeastern Massachusetts University (now UMass in Dartmouth, MA) where I quickly fell into the party scene. Enjoying all too much the freedom which I never had and never saw the reality and the dangers of it all. I wanted to live a Bohemian life and eventually dropped out of that school and then went to pursue my life as an artist. How young was I, and naive. I stayed at their condo in Wells, Maine and worked at an art gallery and saved my money for a trip to Europe. I worked 18 hour days and lived off Ramon Noodles and Mac and Cheese boxes, diligently saving all of my money for a trip to Europe. I wanted to backpack and bike all around on my own schedule to my parents horror. We worked out a deal that if I saved up enough money-they would find a tour. I did and gave them the money for the tour. Before this ! had met and thought I fell in love with a local and had decided to be a mature adult and go on birth control. Well, needless to say, the pill did not work and while in Europe I discovered that I was pregnant!

Upon my return I had to face the parents. The father of my child, when I told him replied, "How do you know its mine" In utter shock, since he was definitely the only one-I cried and woke up to real life. The drama life had ended and so had my dreams of being a writer-Egyptologist and artist. I had to think about raising this child (She is now almost the same age as I was when all of this happened!). I promptly moved into my parents house and signed back into school. I first went to school to receive and Early Childhood Growth and Development Certificate since I had attained a job as an assistant teacher at a Day Care Center in Wrentham. I had also gotten a job at the Emerald Square mall at a Jewelery Store and realized that retail nor daycare was ever going to pay the bills for a single mother who ever had plans of moving our of her parents house! I then went to School for Travel, Tourism and Hospitality at the Sawyer School in Pawtuckett Rhode Island.

While going to school there I had met my first husband Jim. We were engaged in April of 1991 and then married in September of that year. He was going to School at Johnson & Wales in Providence Rhode Island. We had saved up enough money to get an apartment in North Attleboro. This was also when I realized that I still needed a career which would better enable me to provide for my daughter-Alex- the way that I wanted to.

This marriage was a roller-coaster to say the very least about it. I feel like I have been a single mother the whole time. Jim, after graduation had attained a job at the Sheritan as a chef and had fallen into partying and long hours. This caused a huge strain on our marriage. I had paid most if not all of the bills and even for the rent, etc... My father had found a job for him as a claims adjuster-which he excelled at for more of an income. He even purchased a car for Jim. Jim never paid it off or even tried it seemed and very rarely contributed to the household. I had also, during this time become pregnant with my second daughter, Jacqui. I had decided also, to go back to school and went to Fisher College for my degree in Paralegal Studies. I had also attained a job at a law firm in Brockton and earned a more stable income. By the time Jacqui was born I had graduated with honors-like the other schools and had started my own business working as an independent paralegal.

I am glad that I had that business for it gave me the freedom that I needed to survive a tumultuous marriage. For not only had he not contributed a dime toward the household, but he would take off for weeks on end and sometimes even empty out the bank account to do this leaving us all alone and hungry. Sometimes without any food in the house. I had a friend, James Chauncy who had witnessed this one time and had filled my empty kitchen one day before I returned home from work. He knew the situation and had never admitted that he had done this. He is now gone from this earth and I hope he truly knows how much he had saved us that day. For I had too much pride to tell my parents about this and tried to save everything on my own. I had even taken my own husband to court to ask for support. I had won on this even before Jacqui was born. Her current child support order was based on this amount dated from the order of 1992-she was born in 1993! I had to also take him to court for his stealing of my business funds in the total amount of $5000. I had to go to courts in Rhode Island, Massachusetts and New Hampshire (where he had taken out the money) to pursue him in this matter) I won-back in 1993 and still have not seen one penny of this judgment! Yet, I survived and fought on to give my children the life I had as a child! I never once took into consideration that I had two very active parents and my daughters only had me in every way. I just kept fighting to give them all that I could.

My business grew and soon I had regular clients in both Massachusetts and Rhode Island. One time Jim had taken off and was gone for a month and by the time he had returned I had purchased my first house with my father as co-signer. I had paid off my college loans by then and for the attorney who went after the father of my first daughter, Alex. There is so much more to all of this that I am writing-I am giving a very short version of events to lead to the present.

My first house was in Attleboro and I absolutely loved it, though was planning for my house in the suburbs to raise them. I had to start wisely and purchase the house in Attleboro to get there. By this time in 1997, I finally was divorced from Jim and had met Bill. Bill had swept me off my feet and offered protection and the life that I had wanted from the start that I had never gotten from Jim. He offered stability and a peaceful life. I grabbed it and prayed. He started off by being nice and probably had full intentions of it. However, by the time of our honeymoon, after our church and country club wedding (that I proudly paid for on my own-hint!)-I discovered how wrong I was. Our honeymoon was in Egypt and on the Nile no less, for there I saw his true personality. He started out with emotional abuse, which then escalated to verbal and then the dreaded physical abuse. He was an alcoholic and I quickly became drawn into a cycle of the abused woman and lived in denial and and had hoped that it would not last. I was still running my business and even hired some people to help me and masked it all behind a facade of smiles and confidence. I was too ashamed to let people see the ugly truth. I had begged for a divorce and he threatened that he would have the children taken away from me (by this time I had my youngest from him-Tiffany) and the house and that he would make sure that I was locked up. He told me that he would convince everyone that I was crazy. It was horrible. But, being a paralegal-I kept my mouth shut and saved all of the evidence that I could for the divorce anyways. I worked hard for the house and had even upgraded to another house in Norton-I finally bought my house in the suburbs and had made sure that his name was not on it. Again, here I was paying all of the bills, cooking all of the meals, bringing and paying for the daycare of my children and the older girls sports and lessons-Jacqui was now in ballet and Alex was in cheer leading. I had also hired another housekeeper and had them for years so that I could run the business and the household and have time for the girls. I also bought all of their clothes and co-leaded the youth group at my church in Attleboro at Murray Unitarian Universalist Church with Heidi Hasselbaum-Ferreira. Our youth group was strong then and was in the renaissance with over twenty members and more arriving because we made it fun with lots of activities and events and a full curriculum-which we both created. I had also started an earth centered spirituality group for adults at the church with Nancy Fuller-Boucher. This group was also very successful. I led a very active life and played the perfect soccer-mom complete with mini-van (Alex was also in soccer). I hid it all behind this very busy exterior. However, I knew that this would all not last based upon the financial strain that it had built up. I was pretty much the only stable financial support of my children and my household. By then Jim was in constant arrears in child-support (still wondering what the total amount of arrearages is to this present date!) and I had kicked out Bill-who had never paid one dime in child support. Steve the father of my oldest daughter was very sporadic on his own and had only just become reliable and the order updated to his current pay only as recently in 2001.

Though I was married twice-I was always the single mother. However, I constantly had to fight for my daughters to lead even a semblance of the normal life that I had as a child. Both husbands had stolen from me. Bill had even written checks to his own brothers forging my signature from my personal account.

Through all of this, I made sure that my daughters never suffered one bit for what I had to endure behind closed doors with their fathers. I was there holding them when their fathers promised to visit and never showed. I was there whenever they fell or cried for some reason or another. I made sure they had clothes for school and play and toys and bedrooms to play in and sports, etc... I made sure they had a roof over their heads and food on the table and I made sure their homework was done. I took them on vacations to Quebec and Florida and made sure they went to summer camp. This was very hard to do and sometimes I had to rely on my parents to make sure that this was never broken. My stable, wonderful parents would make sure that things would not fall for all of us-considering all of the hidden battles that I have had to fight.

I have cried and sometimes that I have thought myself a failure in not providing any stability for my daughters. At, least nothing compared to what I had as a child. Though I have had to stop that train of thought and realize that despite everything that I have been through with both vicious marriages and even more bitter divorces-I had kept all of the ugly from my little girls. They saw a Mom who has always been there for them and has provided them with good food and lessons and wonderful homes-to the present farm in Maine.

I have survived having my husbands steal from me, and hurt me and even lie to me and kept it all from the girls. I have kept my chin up when all of the money in the bank accounts had been stolen by either husband. Nothing missed a beat in front of the girls. They really never knew what went on. I smiled and bought them to wonderful places and gave them a huge farm in Maine to play in with glorious sheep out in the field to look out at every day and fresh eggs from chickens-when we had them. They have seen kittens born and have went out to the coop to find fresh eggs. They have even seen some of those eggs hatch into chicks (some of them who had died) and then two that had grown into roosters-who then died as well from some yard predator). They learned about birth, life and death on this farm and have grown strong because of it.

I never let anyone speak ill of their fathers in front of the girls and hope they never have to see that side of them nor witness it from any other man they may meet some day when they are grown. I feel that through my experiences that I have learned has enabled me to better teach them about the world. I have learned wisdom of this world as an adult and wish to learn so much more. I have encouraged them to learn as well and take pride in how wonderful they are growing up. The fresh air in Maine has allowed me to heal and to breathe freely.

I had arrived to write my novels that I had stored in my mind forever. I did that and have started my third. Maybe someday they will be published. But, I wrote them and for that I am proud of myself. I had read all of the required reading for the Brown University Undergrad and Grad programs in that program (Egyptology) and had used it in my first two novels as well as other research that I had done in Massachusetts and Maine. I had learned to create my own studies in research since I could no longer afford the official education required nor have time away from home and my children. I had learned to find the reading lists at the Universities and to purchase and read the second hand books from the book stores and to read them at night and when waiting for doctor's appointments, etc... My father had taught me that you can learn anything from a book-and you can-you just do not get any formal credit for it. It is, though stored forever in your mind for your use. In my case it was for the novels that I have written and those I plan to write that I have researched and outlined. I have even traveled for the research for my novels written and that which I am working on. I have been to France, England, Egypt and Quebec for further research on them.

I have started a farm and raise Icelandic Sheep and have learned to work with the wool in order to make extra money for the household. I had gone out and earned my brokers license in insurance sales for my employment (you have to work to support a farm). I have earned almost two years experience in Sales for High Point Insurance based out of New Jersey. My income, as always it seems, is the main one for the support of my children and farm. I had long ago learned not to count on any financial or emotional support from the fathers of my children. I had learned the hard way, if you want anything done at all-you must do it yourself.

In this way, I had planned on my farm. I wanted desperately to give security to my children. I own this farm and home outright without mortgage and hope to leave it to them someday. I have very little expenses and need little to live on this farm. I have arranged my life to survive on the very little income offered in the only employment there is up here.

I started work in Wilton in July of 2007. I had been searching for employment for a year and a half. This is rural Western Maine. The only thing that I could find was in Wilton. There I had taken classes and had attained my brokers license. I had taken a huge cut in the pay that I was used to for this chance of employment-as did most of the others in my department. We were thankful to be employed. It is a call center and High Point is merely a vendor, though it was the program that everyone wanted to be on. The sales team had become a family and we had added on to become quite a group. We had succeeded so much in sales that we were given a raise and incentives were added on. Most brokers earn a commission, though here in rural Maine, they take advantage of there being nothing else out here for employment and we are paid only an hourly rate and not even a full 40 hours. No sick time is allowed to us and we do not get paid if we are truly sick-we take the cut in pay ( I earn currently what I used to make back when I was 19 in 1989 in Massachusetts-before college). There has never been one day when the center had shut down due to weather. So, we battled our country roads and snowstorms of a foot or more with ice and arrived to sell insurance bright and cheerful. I work on a phenomenal sales team and love the people that I work with. We had been so successful that they had finally allowed us to crochet and read books in between calls as long as all of our work was in. We had become close and were constantly causing trouble in a fun way. Suddenly our security was shattered when the first lay-off occurred. Soon, enough after months when more people disappeared with the dreaded staples boxes and heads hung low-that we told less jokes and feared laughingly when our badges would no longer work.

This was my survival job and now, even this was not working. For today, we heard the news we feared- that our program would be ending April 3rd. I had a brief glimpse of the security that I had longed for and had almost accepted it. I hated the drop in pay-though the people that I have worked beside made it all worth it. All of us in sales are licensed brokers and most of us have degrees besides and have known employment as professionals and salaries, like myself. (I had also worked at Quincy Mutual as claims examiner and at a law firm in Taunton Mass as the head paralegal of the Torts department at a Plaintiff firm.) We had known stability. Though we had all grown close to each other and have felt the bond of a sort of family. I had felt accepted there and had made a lot of friends and have shared alot with them. I was starting to adjust to this new life and love the stability that it slowly gave me. I grew used to the new level of pay and had managed my life around it. I was proud that I had a job to provide for my daughters in this economy.

Today, it was all ripped away from us. We were all thankful to be employed in this day and age and now-we join the rest. For me, it is just another road block. I have fought through many before and I will fight again. I just have to be a lot more creative in that my girls are older and it is not that easy to hide it any more behind smiles nad baked cookies. I have taught them about life the way it really is along the way so they are not so naive as I was and I know and hope they will be more armed than I ever was as a result of this. I honestly feel that my experiences have perhaps armed them for the world that they have to face.

I suppose if worse comes to worse- I do have my farm and the land. I could always learn to live as my ancestors had hundreds of years before-off the land. Maybe that is the real reason that I had purchased this large piece of Cheddahville-as a place to fall down on and to help us live. Will we have to resort to this in this time of economic harship. Is this our lesson in that we had become too materialistic and perhaps had to lose this all to realize how lucky we all truly are? As an adult I have had no choice but to fight and to survive on the remnants left. I have had to hide it from my children thinking that it was all wrong for them to see harship. Perhaps that is why I have fallen so hard. I have learned over the most recent years to be more realistic in raising my children and have slowly let them in. I have used the hardships as lessons on teaching them about teamwork and of us helping each other and others around us. I have been showing them life with all of the good and bad, gradually waking them up to the life around them. I have made sure they witnessed and helped in the birthing of the lambs on the farm and have shown them the natural cycle of death and life on a farm. I have learned right beside them holding their hands, rejoicing and crying beside them holding them close. I am proud to have witnessed all around us with them. We have gone without luxuries; TV, cable, phone (long-distance) etc... and have learned what is most important. Family, peace, food and warmth. This, they have never lacked. I have gone without eating during the day to make sure my children eat good and healthy foods and have worked hard at night on the wool for extra money and to be at home for this, the second job-for the clothes, sports, lessons, etc... We have learned that a family is strong when it works together. We are a team and we all stand strong when we help one another. Every chore-no matter how small is important to the well-being of this family and farm. I am proud of what my daughters have grown to be and smile at all that they have potential to be. The farm has given them the team skills, and leadership skills that they need for the world and the food upon the table. I have cut out a lot of luxuries along the way, learning to become more and more humble- and I will cut some more-never losing grip on what is most important in life.

I have learned to be a very active person and would not have achieved half of all that I have had I ever been lazy or cried when the going got tough-which has been quite often. Though, sometime that I have learned that a good cry-will certainly clear the mind well enough to get to business- the business of survival.

I am owed a lot of money in child support in just Maine alone ( I long ago gave up in ever seeing a penny of money owed while I was living in Massachusetts). In Maine I had agreed for child support to stop with Alex's father, because he had finally stepped up to plate and he is helping her with her college. She is a freshman at the University of Maine and had graduated high school with honors. I am very proud of her! I am owed four years and over ten thousand dollars from Bill and probably close to that amount from Jim to this date. I have been the sole support of my children and home for so long-I would not honestly know what to do if I actually had someone other than my parents help us. They have had to help when I would break down and call for money for oil and snow tires for my car-I hate to ask anyone for help. They have also helped with alot more-thanks to them I have been able to hold this home together for my daughters! I have long ago stopped crying over not having the life of my parents or the blessed stability they have always had throughout my life at least. I have had to protect my children and I against the people who should have protected us. I have survived and will navigate my way thorugh this next obstacle-as I have always done-very carefully.

Another survival skill is in this very blog. I have spent most of my adult life in trying to seek justice for me and my children. Though I have won legally in all of those matters-I still had not received much monetarily. I have managed an amazing lot on my own and continue to do so. This blog provides an outlet that enables me to speak out and hope that maybe somene-somewhere is actually listening! Maybe someday I will actually publish those novels that I have worked so heard to write and possibly even enough of the wool items that I have made to support this home and farm. But I still work and work hard to provide some semblance of security for my children. I know my story now-especially, is one of millions. Though I do not want this to be a story of pity-but one of hope. That a single mother can provide security and stabilty to her children-even when alone and do it well. I have healthy and active little girls and one grown and in college and I am very proud of them and even of myself for getting them there despite all that I have gone through for them. I would do it all again and will never give up. I realize that this is just another step in my master plan for my dream and know I have yet another hill to climb to get there. Here I go....

Why a Mainer would survive this economic crisis

First of all they are tough. Why do I say this? Because it is a harsh unforgiving climate in this tundra of a wilderness and I have learned quite a lot in just living here a few years. I also say this while snow is flying outside my window and having to remember to feed the wood to my wood stove or I will pay for it later... I moved up here for many reasons as I have already mentioned and I really had no idea of what I was getting into when I did. I wanted to learn to be more of who I truly was-a writer and an artist. I also had a dreams of owning a farm in these very same foothills. I used to live in Southeastern Mass and would drive up to Quebec City and on the way would look out the window and wonder what it would be like to live in this area. It was just a dream many years ago and I never thought I would be living it-or even what it would really entail.

I grew up relatively sheltered and in a small neighborhood where I had to be in when the street lights went on. I loved it and sometimes even miss the familiarity of those streets lights that would comfort me to sleep. Though I never forgot the real reason why I came here. That is what keeps me going in really tough times.

I lived a normal suburban life and commuted to work like my parents on route 128 north towards Boston. Getting a cup of Joe at the many stops of D-Donuts on the way. Parking in a public lot, high heels clicking the security of the life I had grown familiar with. Keys in my hand in case of being mugged... I never knew how fragile that life really was.

My youngest daughter is special needs and the daycares had trouble with her. Being single mother-even when I was married (I had always been the one to maintain the home and bills-long story). I had to find a new daycare and what she truly needed-and that could work with her issues. I had to give my notice to my job in Quincy-a job that I loved. The local day care at the time cost $95 a day. I was a property claims examiner for an insurance company and loved the people that I worked with, though did not make that much money-plus I very rarely had any financial help from either husband (now both ex-husbands). It was a secure job. But like a lot of people-I had to solve the problem at home and find a new daycare-none would take her, so I had to leave work-Also, my home mortgage was originally fixed for four years and it had turned into a variable-I had to sell the house. Thus, after a search on the Internet-I found my home. I was really looking for stability. I took a look around the life I was leading and for the first time-saw how shaky that it really was. I wanted to find a way to provide stability for my daughters. It was not going to work in Massachusetts. There was so much in that state that was shaky and life was not going to hold out the way I was living it. We were living a life that had many things in it that could have easily been left out-but not there. I was sick of competing with neighbors who I did not really know-for the neatest yard and the most electronics. I wanted to live a life that I felt was worth living without worrying about the little things that never really meant much to begin with. I wrote a list of what the real priorities in life should be and what I needed to do to get there. The best place for that was in Maine. Not the way I knew life-but what it should be. With genuine values-and not what the neighbors thought....

I wrote a list of what I really wanted out of life. First thing was Stability. I made the decision to leave the state that I grew up in an head for totally unfamiliar surroundings in search of this stability. I knew that in Maine I would find it. I wanted to learn to live a more frugal life and to live off the land. I wanted to become self-sufficient. This was a major goal and I had no idea how to go about it!

Upon finding this farm, I had to learn how to start one (it had not been an active farm in over 40 years-I had been told)-or resurrect it. I also had to learn how to maintain it and to feed the girls and live a normal life on it as well. This was not as easy as it sounds.

I had learned in the process, from many people who grew up here-how to overcome anything and to make everything work. I had very little money to begin with-all had gone into a house and acres surrounding. I logged the land to provide money to fence some of the land for animals and learned how to make a chicken coop from boards left over-from neighbors.

My garden is huge and I have learned how to freeze most of the food and veggies to take out over the winter to make sauces out of them. While we had the chickens-we had fresh eggs. Some of my friends know how to live without any running water or electricity and to survive in this climate happily. I have learned a lot of tricks in survival and how to eat with a budget that would make most people faint. It is done and we eat well. I have free heat from the wood on my land and wood stove. I have shoveled feet of snow-sometimes weekly just to get my car out of the driveway.

I have tortured my girls and by taking away cable for a few months-this did not last long since it nearly killed me! I figure if I can use that to get them to do their chores-it is well worth it! I have also learned the pay the few extra dollars for TIVO-so they can record their programs-the animals cannot wait for it to be convenient for someone to take care of them. Since we have no lights in the barn-the chores need to be done before it gets dark. My girls help maintain this farm and are much better than I ever was at their age. I came home and plopped my books at the top of the stairs and parked myself on the sofa to watch MTV for hours on end! My girls get up early each day and help me to bring the sheep out in the fields, break the ice in the buckets left out each night-to get more water from the sink in the kitchen and haul it back out. They bring up fresh firewood for the day from the basement and take the dogs out. They help me with the chores in cleaning the house as well. We are a team in this house and I am very proud of them. I got rid of the Internet for years and have finally decided to go back on-mainly because I wanted to sell the hats from the farm on the net-since I have no time to sell them locally. I go on power-school and keep in touch with their teachers so I know what they have due in school and their recent grades.

They also help me with the wool. They are always around during the sheering time and help bag the wool. Together we skirt it (Separate the good from the bad wool) and wash it and hang it out to dry. Then we card it-that is the hardest to get them to do. Though I have compromised and let them do my share of the housework-so I can catch up on it (mainly with the spinning and carding of the wool and crocheting the hats and other items). They each can crochet and will be learning how to spin the wool hopefully this year. They are already experts at the drop spindle. As I mentioned, I am very proud of them.

Most of the people in my town have farms and this is nothing new. Most of the kids here have their work on school and then the work on the family farm. On my road alone, there are people who raise animals for meat-such as chickens, beef, and pork. The kids chores are to feed them.

We have also learned to go without often, since I live in an area where the pay is pretty scarce. I am thankful to have a day job-to support our life and farm and need the farm money for the little extras. We have very few bills-mostly utilities and property taxes, clothes and food that we can't grow on the farm.

I have learned many ways to take care of my farm, home and kids from people who grew up here that are very wise. It is important in Maine for kids to be kids. We let our kids roam in the wilderness out back and instead of street lights calling them in at night-they can wander as long as they hear my car horn. We have a lot of acreage out back. My girls are certainly explorers and always love to be outdoors. They are always coming back in with something they have found out in the woods. They have also learned to carry a small pocket-knife-just in case. There are many critters out there. They also have to take a dog with them in case they get lost. Sometimes the dogs have wandered off and have come back after trying to herd a skunk or porcupine! They still have not learned from those experiences and each year I wonder when the next adventure will be-when I have to pick out the quills from my poor puppies!

We have a fire pit out back and listen to the loons and coy dogs at night and other sounds that we have grown used to. The fields light up with lightning bugs and surround us with billions of glittering stars. Above us is another light display complete with the Milky Way (I have heard that Maine is one of the few places where is is always seen). It is amazing to even camp out in the back yard. We do live in Vacation land after all!!

We have learned how to get water from a brook and to boil it and to cook on a camp stove. I have learned how to eat well spending under $60 a week-with some of the food stored over winter to supplement. Our clothes are sturdy and are bought to last. I can wash clothes in a brook as well (I learned that camping) and have learned how to hang them to dry-there is actually an art to that-in hanging them so they won't wrinkle!

When I first moved up here I asked my Mom how to hang up clothes on the line and she did not know-she always had clothes dryers. I had to ask a neighbor! I hang them up in the center of my house and it serves as a free humidifier! Cuts costs on the electric bills drastically. I wanted to get an antique clothes washer-one that did not use electricity-though having three girls-put the reality out of that one! It would take a month to wash their weekly clothes! So, I settled for hanging them up in the yard-below freezing and in the house-in winter.

I have also dried a lot of herbs from the garden and put them on a pot of water on the wood stove-it smells wonderful and adds more moisture. It is very dry inland in the winter and I had never suffered such before moving here. I was always close to the ocean where there was some moisture in the air-up here it can be brutal if you are not used to it. Moisturizer is key. A co-worker had mentioned an old favorite here called "Corn-huskers" Lotion-there really is such a thing! I am using it daily-because most of the products out on the market are not designed for life in Maine!

The clothes too! My budget is Wal-Mart. I used to love designer labels and have grown a much different attitude living here. That it does not make much sense spending the money on something that would not last to a life on the farm. I have found new brands up here that have become useful like the classic LL Bean-most of that works since it is made in Maine. Also Carhart. I have found that men's clothes are much more durable to working on a farm and have actually stole my ex-husbands flannels for going out to the barn. Mine were cute and all-though very light and did not keep me warm. I am also trying to find a pair boot that will last and am still looking. I last purchased cute boots at a Mall in Quebec City-very pretty and not cheap. Well, after one winter on my farm and over eight feet of snow-hand shoveling most of the driveway myself-all winter--they did not last. Near the end of the season my cute little boots fell apart! The sole popped off and I had to borrow some scotch tape from work so I could drive home in them! I had to wear my clogs until the winter ended-not fun at all! This winter, I bought the nice pair of boots for work and the cheep pair from Wal-Mart for the barn. It seems to be working. Especially-since I do not have to scrape off my boots before going into work!!

I have learned to use minimal electricity and have florescent lights all around my house. I make sure the lights are off in other rooms because I love the electric bill being under $50 a month. Each year I learn many new things and each year I try to outdo myself in saving more and more money. I learned that with a wood stove-the wood might be free-being from my own property-but the electric bills became vulnerable. The wood stove only heats a main portion of my house leaving the outer rooms cold and naturally the kitchen and bathroom are two of those rooms-along with my bedroom. Those rooms froze. I went out-to purchase electric heaters to take care of that! When it is cold here-it is beyond frigid! I remember many nights cuddled up in my bed with twenty blankets with my daughter shivering-hating the cold! I would see my breath outside of the covers and slept with my thermals and even slippers sometimes! You could see the ice forming on the windows. Unfortunately-the cold does not make the brain work that efficiently-when you are that cold and when I hooked up the electric heaters in the kitchen, bathroom, basement-for the pipes not freezing, and the bedroom-it was warm temporarily-until I got the bill! I am still reeling at that one! My bill for November was $58 and then in December had jumped to $220! Ouch. We were warm certainly-but snuggly-no! So, naturally I cut down the usage to putting them on only when the temp was below 35 degrees. Which was pretty much most of the time, until-only at nights. When I got the bill in February- I nearly had a cardiac and put an immediate stop to all of the electric heaters and fans. You need fans to circulate the heat from the stove. I shut off the heater down in the basement. We are getting well over a foot of snow tonight and I will go out early in the morning to shovel out my car to go to work and try to bank snow around the house to keep the pipes from freezing as well. No more fans and heaters-only the stove! If it gets much colder-than we will all sleep in the living room by the wood stove! If the pipes freeze in the basement-then we will go outside and bring in buckets of snow to thaw by the wood stove to cook and bathe with! I will wait for them (the pipes) to thaw in the Spring if I have to! As you can see I am very stubborn and am trying to survive. I have learned many lessons and take pride in living off very little. We now have a gas stove-so we can cook if we lose electricity and it can keep that side of the house warm if needed. I also have many handmade quilts and blankets to keep us warm and am learning more card games from my daughters. We have kerosene lamps to read by and many many books.

I love trying to figure out more ways to save money and to live a content life and I have learned much from my neighbors and friends here. I know the best places to swim and had to problem getting rid of my swimming pool. We bought one up from Mass and it lasted a year. I have since learned the most beautiful places to swim where only the locals know about and are absolutely free and gorgeous to boot!

I have also learned about something neat here that everyone seems to know how to make- Coffee-Brandy. This is something they make from special recipes and is delicious and definitely only for adults-it can warm you up on a a cold winter night by the wood stove or by the camp fire on a chilly Maine evening. The recipe is a little different and I could get hurt if I told even one of them. But is is delicious! They pretty much all know how to make it here. I have never heard of it before moving here.

So, I think that most of the places that I have been around the world-and I have traveled-only the Mainer seems to have a grip on what really matters and how to survive off very little and to be content. That is the key-contentment. You can be poor and be absolutely miserable-or you can live a rich and meaningful life and know what really counts. People here get that. They know that in tough times-people need to be there for one another and I see it almost every day. I had never seen that before. I was surrounded by many people- and felt alone-not here though. If someone is down and something happened like a house burning down. The community would gather together and build a new house and find food and clothes for the family. A lot of people do not have house insurance and have lost everything. Most fires are caused by kerosene heaters-because if they do not have a wood stove-most cannot afford oil and have old heaters. A lot of people fix things and build their own houses and even put in the electrical systems themselves-this causes alot of fires in Maine-especially out here in the wilderness. The town would gather and help that family. I have seen this on many occasions.

We all are facing tough times because of the economy and tough times are not strange to life up here. They have grown accustomed to helping people out-often when they have little to give or spare themselves. They help because they know that someday-it might be them who might need it someday. I suppose this kind of attitude has been lost in the suburbs and cities where families are far apart. People know that my family is far away and have reached out to help me on occasion. People in Maine know what is important; family, friends and a life of happiness. To help others in need-because it might be you someday. To live off the land-because it is better for you and it gives you a wonderful pride knowing where the food on the table comes from. To let kids be kids-chores give them a pride as well in that they are helping the family and learn responsibility. Letting kids be kids-we laugh when our kids get dirty. We let our kids drive snowmobiles and four-wheelers (if you are lucky enough to have them) and to run out in the woods-as long as they bring a dog. We let them fish in the marshes out back and come back in so muddy they have to be hosed down. We let them climb on the farm animals and to take the dogs out on leashes to lead them out on their sleds down monster hills. We let them climb on the sheep until they are kicked off! We let them walk across the fences in the fields and to catch thousands of fireflies in glass jars.... They might come inside dirty and bruised from a long day of play-but they are content-tired and most of all-happy! They also might have a million patches on their jeans from how rugged they are-but they come home and cuddle with me by the wood stove or camp fire at night after a full belly from food grown mostly on our farm!

Most of the time I love this life and am rarely reminded of how frugal we live-until I leave this area. You can easily get lost in the cocoon of life in the mountains of western Maine-it seems to be separated from the rest of the world. The pace is slower here and when you go into town-you can guarantee that you will meet up with at least three people that you know-I have actually counted more and more the longer that I have been here. It is amazing! I can go into town totally sick-and I have just this Tuesday-in my pajamas to buy some medicine (I have found out that I am actually allergic to my wood stove and have had to stock up on sinus medicine). Naturally I bumped into two people who knew me and chuckled after they made fun of me in my sickened state. "Ayuh, think ya might jest be 'llergic ta that stove o' yours!" You think! Achoo!

I have not cared about dressing up since I don't have to even at work. The moral is so low-they let go of a lot of people recently and to cheer us up have let us wear jeans to work. It does help. A lot of my dress pants need thermals and the jeans are a little warmer.

Up here time is alot slower and there is no such thing as traffic. You keep your eyes glued to the news for the latest storms to know when to park your car at the end of the driveway and the make sure you have enough food for the house and animals in the barn. You go to work-look out for moose- and drive home- and look out for moose. You get home, take care of the farm and kids and wood-pretty simple. That is the way life should be. There are no angry people waiting in line-people are not in a rush here. You don't have to have a fancy house-no one cares-if you can even see your neighbors. Mowing the lawns-you can really get away without doing even that. My lwnmower kept breaking down and I had noticed that a neighbor down the road had some sheep tied on stakes and moved them about durng the week to different spots. That was how I purchased my first sheep. I didn't know how to fix my lawnmower! I also loved the idea that I did not have to rake my leaves. I have a monster yard. My parents decided to build a home up here and my father went out and purchased a John Deer to mow the lawn and to play farmer. I am fine without-the lawn mowed-I do have sheep-but it makes him happy! I think I am going to buy him a cowboy hat! He loves it when I call him when the sheep break out of the fences-because he will get on his four-wheeler and chase them all back into the barn! It is really funny and I have actually let them out on purpose when his favorite Wimbleton Tennis Tournament was on-to see what he would do-he forgot about the tennis and hopped on the four-wheeler and went in pursuit of those sheep-with a great big smile on his face! I definately think I will get him that hat!

Never boring in Cheddahville........