Winter Blues a.k.a. the Doldrums

This picture is of my van buried in front of the garage/barn.

It is Maine and there is a lot of snow up north. The days are short, though getting a little longer. The snow is starting to melt, gradually. However, there is still a few feet of snow still on the ground. The skies are a melancholy gray color and sometimes a stark white. The clouds hang heavy over all whispering to us that there is probably many more storms left for us bear. Life is harder, though at a slower pace up here it seems than the rest of the planet. Here in Cheddahville, you can stop at the "Chesterville Mall" (name for the corner store) and order subs and red hot dogs to go-after a long day at work to take home. This is my highlight for the week. I love to cook, but sometimes-usually by the end of the week it is time for someone else to cook. I work on Saturday's from 10-6 and am tired when I finish, so I head for the Cheddaville Mall down to the bottom of the hill that I live on.

I walk in the door while the sky is now dark and enter the only room of the store. The store has new owners who have left their mark on the store. It is small and tidy with well stocked shelves. The hardwood floors gleam newly waxed. There is a small deli area for local meat cuts and eggs fresh from a local farm. You can also find pickled eggs in jars, beef jerky, and fresh chowder and stew-from local game brewing in a crock pot. Coffee is always percolating and adds a rich smell to the air crisp from entering the warm cozy environ-as you shed off the choppy mountain air that you trail inside. You can leave your car parked out in the lot with the engine running out here and have no fear of anything-other than a car not being warmed up enough. Snow mobiles are most often parked out front from riding on the local trails. There are advertisements for people who can shovel off roofs and local fund raisers and for a missing St Bernard that is missed by his three year old owner taped on the freshly painted wall. Once in while someone meanders in to get his 6 pack of Pabst or Schlitz Beer (didn't think they made it anymore!) and beef jerky to ward off the winter chill at home! Grizzly beards vary by owner-necessary for the most mart to keep the wind chill off. That and flannels and big clunky boots. Always a smile and an "Ayuh, cant wait for Spring ta arrive! Door yahd's too full a snow!" A smile and a nod tippin' the baseball hat and back out the door. The bells note the exit.

They know it is me-since they recognize my order by now and smile-I usually call on the cell on my way down-planning it before the other side when I lose the signal and hit one of the many dead spots around here. Outside the sky is dark-the stars are not visible due to the ominous cloud cover that blocks out all hope of stars. One of the town's three street lights illuminate the stoop outside. One other person is in there, besides those working-watching the television waiting for her order.

On the television is a report on the latest stimulus package and we both smile and wonder what is ahead for us silently and wait for our orders. She mentioned that she heard of a judge some where "away" (anywhere outside of Maine is "away") who prevented a lot of forclosures by making the lender showing up in person and ordering to not leave until matters were settled-she mentioned that by doing this the judge saved 700 people alone from losing their homes! She smiled and mentioned that it was because the judge was a woman! I smiled genuinely back.

The phone rings and my co-worker's husband calls in to order two pizza's. I know it is Malcolm-since I saw his wife Darlene at work and she was happy that it was her night for poker with the girls. Out side we all turn to the loud noise, some snowmobiles roar by on their way home from the trails nearby and leave us to wait in the cozy country store. Me, wishing I had a snowmobile of my own and some time to ride one and who knows about the other woman in the store-maybe she was happy that she had the house to herself since her husband was out on one? The order is up and I collect it and then gather all of the food along with a bottle of orange soda and milk and head home-I smile and they know I will return next week. I am thinking of days when the wind chill is not so harsh, that I can walk down there with my youngest daughter Tiffany-as we did before. It is too cold and dark this time of night. I hear the heavy sound of the water fall in the river nearby trying to close out the dark winter night surrounding me, suffocating any possible hope for stars in the sky. I brace myself and head out to the car and close myself in the warm interior and drive to the top of the hill where I live. As I turn onto the road in my car I notice the forms of Malcolm and Darlene's kids coming round the bend up the hill to get the pizza-I smiled at them and headed home.

My life is very simple and this is how I like it. I work during the week selling insurance for High Point to people in New Jersey and when I come home I cook a meal for the girls and work on my wool from the sheep. I am way behind-but I choose the pace since I am home with the girls and they know I am here for them when they need an extra hug and reassurance.

This time of year it is a much slower pace than normal for Maine-due to the weather. Up here there are forces of nature that you really need to be weary of. We spend the Spring, Summer and Fall preparing for the Winters ahead, so powerful they can be. This is also the time for reflection and planning. The winter is long and dreary for the most part. People up here know about it and try to plan ahead for it. With the shorter and darker days, it is easy to get the blues or doldrums. There are many stories of people going crazy over the winter and killing themselves and families in the colonial past and I can see some of this. I planned ahead this year and made sure that I would not fall into the trap as well. Not that it would ever become that drastic. But I can see how easily people can fall into depressions with lack of sunlight and the constant cold. More things seem to break down when it is cold and hope seems to fall easily away with it.

Hopefully, if it was planned well, the barns are all stocked for the animals, the wood is well stocked to last all winter and everything else is in order well before the first snow fall. If not-the doldrums can easily catch you and hang on.

I really had to idea how serious it could be until I moved up here. You literally can get trapped under several feet of snow-if you have no plans for shovelling out or plowing. That is very real and scary. It is easy to fall into a peaceful oblivion and some people resort to drinking and other means of escape. There is the escape geographically-where we are more shut off from the world than normal. The only people who come up here this time of year-is in passing through to the ski resorts and on the trails for snow mobiles. Just passing through. My friends and family and most other people are afraid to venture out here this time of year-leaving us shut out. I try not to do this. People also escape by clothing in covering themselves from head to toe-literally. You need to in order to escape the frigid temperatures and it also almost guarantees that no one will recognize you. There is also the escape through men growing heavy beards and women dying their hair various colors to add something else the their very shut in days up here. And then there are the people who literally hole themselves in their own homes in the winter only coming out for food and necessities until the snow melts. And of course there is the local herb grown here. I am not that much of a fan of it, though most of the population around here seems to be. Another means of escape from the burden of winter up here. Understandable-all of it I suppose....

As I mentioned the color of the skies are gloomy and the ground is covered in many feet of snow packing you in to where ever you are. It is easy to feel closed in. The snowbanks-during partial melt- become muddy and just plain look ugly-until the next snowfall-usually days after the last. the cars become muddy and covered in salt rendering them all the same dismal color of bleck! By the end of the winter, your clothes are well worn from the elements and have taken a battering. I am usually sewing the snow pants and socks of the girls by now-I already have a pile from the clothes just purchased this fall. They have already lost the three sleds that we have under the last snowfall-so they are out of luck for sledding to the end of the driveway-until we find them in the Spring-usually in June here!

It is wise to have a game plan to survive the season. This year I made sure that I went back on the Internet. I have been off line for a few years. Since we moved up here-I found out that we could only have dial up Internet-there was no hope for high speed (unless one gets it by Satellite). I had high speed Internet in Southeastern Mass since it became available there in the mid nineties! Radical change for me and I had a rough time going back with the old-fashioned dial up. Thus, I removed it for a few years out of pure frustration! Well, this year I had to go back online and reconnect with the world. It was really becoming way to isolated and I missed my connection to the modern times. Don't get me wrong-I love the simple life and all-though some things I find hard to part with. One of them is technology-I miss high speed Internet and my ability to keep in pace with the rest of the world and another connection to my friends who live far away! I needed to reconnect with them.. My telephone is local only and very basic. My oldest daughter, Alex ran up the telephone bill by connecting online through Augusta (she thought it was local!) It was not, nothing is local to Cheddahville! I still owe several hundred dollars on that bill! I had to get a cell phone just to call long distance and for my sales of wool products from my farm. So this was the first step this winter-getting back online-after three years without Internet at all-I decided to suffer through dial up-just for the sake of returning to the rest of the world. Now I am hopelessly addicted and am finding a way to get a Satellite hook up! While waiting for pages to upload I add more wood to the wood stove or take the dogs out for a walk. I always make good use of my time.

Connection with people in any form is key over the winter. Understandable, sometimes- you cannot literally due to the weather and loss of power, etc.. though now I have my cell phone and Internet. I also make sure that I keep in touch with my friends-I have a tendency to hibernate over the winter-this has grown dangerously more intense after moving up here. Geographically at first-since all I knew were in other states. Now I know quite a few people from town and work. Now if I get the blues-I just walk into the local Wal-Mart and always I bump into at least three people I know. There or Hannaford's. It is comforting to know people nearby. There is such a small population up here and very few places to go that it is a given that I will now know someone-each place that I seem to go to now a days. This makes the Winters much more passable than before when I did not know anyone at all. With my close friend- I made a pact that we would keep in contact to make sure that the other does not get to far into the doldrums. You cannot avoid it, it is everywhere. You just try to stay afloat.

Another way to beat it is by comfort. I love my simple life and am constantly trying to make it more effortless. For example, I hang up the clothes in the middle room of the house-this provides the much needed humidity and dries them as well without paying a cent on the electric bill. I also made sure that I had a gas stove-so that I would not go without cooking during the power outages we tend to have during the many snow storms up here. I can provide the comfort of food when we are literally trapped in our houses. I make sure we have enough warm and clean clothes to weather any chills that might escape through the windows. I also did not put plastic up on the windows this year. The other years I had to since we had oil heat (the wood furnace always died and each time almost blew up the house in January when we needed it most!) I put a stop to that and bought a wood stove for the living room of my house-in the center of it all. The house has since been warm and the windows have actually provided the necessary breeze to keep the house from being too warm. When the plastic is on the windows-it is often way too bleak and easy to fall into the doldrums. Just by not seeing outside! I have surrounded my home with local products and those from the farm as well. Since the local and organic food is more expensive-I buy less of it-but the meals are rich and my tummy is happy that I have provided well. I feel proud in supporting the local farmers and in growing enough to last all winter. In the winter it is easy to gain weight. Your body needs more body fat to combat the extreme temperatures and whispers to feed it constantly-the wrong kinds of food seem to call out this time of year in response. I have learned well to fight it. I spend the budget on healthy foods and have none left over for the naughty foods. My meals are filling and leave the tummy happy and content. I have plenty of warm blankets to curl up in with my daughters and make sure that I have as many people over as possible! My friends know they are always welcome over here and the coffee will be brewing for them as well as the Coffee Brandy!

The next step to saving yourself from the Blues is by your thinking patterns. I have easily been lured into gray thoughts to easily match the snow clouds always looming overhead. I tend to dwell on issues that have bummed me out in the past and that is very bad. So, this year, I made sure to also get TIVO (some little luxuries are necessary) This enables me to tape comedies and sitcoms that would play while I was working or cooking-and help to cheer me back up to normal when I start slipping. I also use this to bribe the girls into doing their farm chores and house chores. They can no longer put off chores because their favorite show is on-they can TIVO it! When I come home from selling insurance I start my work on the wool. I card the wool, wash it, dry it and then spin it and then crochet it into the finished product that I sell. The Llama wool (another story) I am keeping and have just finished spinning the last of it. I am making hats and scarves for me and the girls and am not selling them. I have been working on a scarf lately and cherish the memories of the Llamas that it came from.

I am further blessed that I can work on my crocheting during work when it is slow. We are also now allowed to wear jeans. I suppose due to the moral lately. Due to the economy they had huge layoff's and the break room is now almost void of people when it used to always be full. The building used to be teaming with people and they were always hiring and training people. Now it is a ghost town with so many familiar faces, now gone. We all hang on and are happy each day when we arrive that our badges still work and the dreaded Staples box is not on our seats filled with our personal items. So they have tried in vain to boast our morale by letting us have some simple pleasures that were in the past denied. We are now able to read, and work on crossword puzzles at our desk during slow times. We can also bring in knitting and crocheting. This has helped me a great deal since my own work on the farm has fallen way behind due to me returning to work full time. We also had to dress in business casual before and now it is jeans and neat dress shirts to help cheer us. This has helped me a great deal-simple though it is. I used to have my own business and work more efficiently in jeans. I still have to wear thermals under them this time of year-but it is still easier and I get to catch up on my wool. I am still thinking of a way to bring in my spinning work, though have not come up with a way to bring in my beautiful spinning wheel and to still be efficient in selling insurance. Oh well!

The mind set does help in the survival of the blues. I have to stop when I find myself dwelling on something that is not too pleasant and try to put in a comedy to watch, or cook something fun (like anything where I have to make the girls eat with chopsticks!) or to call a friend.

This year I made sure that I was well prepared to fight the doldrums and feel that it has worked for the most part. I can still smile genuinely when I see someone and I feel content with my life and what I have done so far. I see so many others slipping into the blues and I feel better that I am strong enough to help them this time around. I may not have much in material things-but I do have a lot to be thankful for that I have to stop to remind myself of this sometimes when the snow is piling up outside and my car is running slow due to frozen tires. I am noticing small rays of the sun glimmer through the clouds. Maybe-this is really the truth shinning through to me once again. I have a warm and safe home with peace and comfort. I have good friends and wonderful daughters. I am blessed to have a loving family. They are far away geographically this time of year, but I make sure to keep in contact with them. My parents in Florida make sure to lovingly give me the forecast their of exotic temperatures-hoping I would move down there too. Alas, that would never happen. Though they may be far away-I know they will return when the snow melts and be only a yell away-rather than a lost distance phone call! Maine has a way of drawing people back here when the grass appears again.

This year, I have weathered the blues more efficiently and I am thankful for this. I have learned a lot from past winters and am glad that I am able to help others who need me as they have helped me. These are just a few ways to survive the winters up here and I am glad to be so well armed. Now that I can see brief signs that Spring is on the way! Well, the only sign I really notice is the longer days-it is a start though!

SNOW

On the left, my daughter Jacqui shoveling out to the barn. On the right a view of the town where I work in Wilton.

Snow, snow, snow and yes...... more snow. That is life in Maine. You really do not truly understand how many different forms snow can take-unless you live here. Now, there are plenty of places in the world where it snows-yet-this is from what I know.

I was raised in Massachusetts and thought I really knew all about it. However was I mistaken-in a most major way! The snow there is for the most part-perfect for snowballs and a pain to shovel. I grew up in Southeastern Mass and we have had our share of snow. It is located somewhat near the ocean and it affects the snow in making it heavy for the most part when we get a lot of it (for that area). The snow easily molds in your hands and can harden and sometimes hurts when thrown at you. If you get a really good snowball going that is. The snow there falls mostly from December until February. There are always crocuses poking through the ground in early March-except one winter when we had over a foot of snow back when my girls were young on April Fool's Day in the early 90's. As a Flatlander we can recall the large storms by the year they occurred-such as the Blizzard of 1978. Mostly the snow falls in storms of anywhere from about 2 inches to about 10. Between the storms the snow mostly melts away. We lived to the east of the "Snow" belt which was route 495-to the west they always got the snow and we did only half of the time. We did get a lot of sleet and sometimes even rain. Most of it is gone by the beginning of March and Spring temperatures melt away the rest of it. It was the snow that I remember most. Perfect for building forts and making snowballs and sledding. There was a hill near my house that the neighborhood kids called "Killer Hill". I'm sure every neighborhood had one of those. The hill that our parents would kill us if they knew we were sledding down. It was a hill way out in the woods. It was always accessible in the winters in Massachusetts. After most snowfalls the snow would melt enough and sometime all together before the next storm arrived. So the trek was not that bad. This hill was covered in trees and we had to dodge around them in order to reach the bottom. It was certainly a frightening experience and one always went back for more. I seriously do not recall anyone ever being injured on it though-there were always those legends that made it all the more exciting. There is the snow fort snow, the snowball snow, the snow that you have to shovel so you can take the dogs out for a walk- snow. And last but not least the yellow snow-which leads to no further explanations!

When I was nineteen I had the opportunity to travel. I went to Europe in the Fall of 1989. I travelled all around the continent of Europe and Great Brittan on an Australian based tour group by Contikki Tours. I travelled with people aged 18-35 so there were a lot of parties on the tour. One of the places that we went to was Switzerland. We stayed in a gorgeous sky resort town called Lauderbrunnen which was in the middle of the Swiss Alps. We arrived at night and when we woke up we went outside of our ski lodges and took in the most beautiful scenery imaginable! I still have that view etched in my mind forever. There were trees in full greenery at the resort we were at and the snowline of the Alps above us! It was incredible! You could just breathe in the freedom and nature at its most serene. The mountain that we were on was 19 thousand feet above sea level and was called Jungfrau. That day we had a skiing trip. So we all gathered in town to take the cog rail up the mountain to the top. It was truly incredible the steep incline at which we ascended. The air was crisp and infectious with anticipation of all of us on board. Our eyes were glued to the window as we arrived at the snow line. There were people from Israel on the tour who immediately began reaching out the windows to grab the snow from the roof of the cog rail. The look on their faces was amazing-they looked like small children. It is wonderful to see the look on someones face-the first time they see snow. It was magical and I felt blessed to be a witness to their pure joy. As we climbed higher and higher we noticed that the roads ended since the altitude was so high. The chalets were nestled precariously in outcroppings with small footpaths leading from one to the next. We passed a huge cow-and to this day-I do not know how that cow balanced to agily-I know I could not have done the same and I only have two legs! Then there was actually a mountain goat-I felt like we entered the world of the movie "Heidi"-how Disneyesque it all was! When we arrived at the top we all practically ran to the ski area. It cost the equivalent at that time of $8.50 to rent skis and to ski down a slope. I noticed that there were not any ski instructors and I had no clue as to what to do. After learning how to put the boots on I turned to a friend on the tour from Oregon and asked, "So, how do you ski?" And smiled. He laughed and yelled back as he set off, "You bend you knees and go!" Well, I followed that advice and later learned how little it was and how easily I could have died. I did that-I bent my knees and skied straight down (you are supposed to sky-side to side...) So, naturally I built up tremendous speed and nearly knocked down a few other people on my way down and was yelling "How do I turn on these things!" The wind was my answer. The snow was heavy and it had been slick from the warmer temperatures. I was only wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. So down I flew-amazing I wasn't killed on that excursion-so little my teachings on the subject! I also thought, way too late- that I was never taught how to stop. So, I stopped the only way I could think of-by crashing where there was no one around. I crashed and my skies went flying. Some adorable French guys were nearby and laughed and found the skis for me. I then decided that this was how I was going to stop-providing they were nearby! So that was my Switzerland snow experience.

The last but certainly not least experience is my Maine snow adventure. Adventure it most certainly is, since I have learned a tremendous lot while living up here. As I mentioned that there are many kinds of snow. Now, up here one of the first things that I learned is that it is so cold that the snow does not melt all winter-but piles up to great heights. The banks are often so high that it is scary pulling out of an intersection. You inch out slowly hoping another car is not coming around the bend. For the most part, there is very little other traffic on the road, you can almost travel for miles without even encountering another car. I have also learned to drive in the middle of the road-since there is more time to recover the car if I go into a skid! As I mentioned before, there is this windy road nearby called the Borough road and people have reminisced to me of years back when they would get drunk and then snow bank their cars over and over again-on purpose! They seem very creative in their entertainment up here! Most of it involves either beer of their famous Coffee Brandy and driving in the snow-or both! there is very little traffic on the roads-if any up here-so I can see how that could actually be quite interesting-though not practiced anymore as more people have moved into the area-like me. Thank Goodness! Granted I'm sure it might still be practiced in some of the more remote mountainous regions-though I doubt many have lived to talk about it!

There are still many moose spotted in this region and you always have to keep a lookout for them, as well as deer and the many occasions when stray farm animals that have broken loose. Most of them are in the barn for the winter-but there have been occasions when I have spotted my neighbors horses in my other neighbors yard eating their rosebushes and have had to lead them back-they usually know the way. One time a horse broke free and ran over to another neighbors yard and died on their dog house-crushing it. That had to be interesting to remove. In the Spring there are a lot of these escapes when the snow thaws. They get all excited to be out of the barn after being cooped up all winter and find any excuse to break over the fences. One time coming home from work-I had to stop because there were over twenty cows out in the middle of the road. I had to run over to the house to let them know and wait for them to be brought inside. During the winter, there are a lot of stray dogs around. I have seen packs of them in the road foraging. Maybe, some of them abandoned by their owners due to the economy. You see them more and more these days.

The plows are much more aggressive out here and are huge. In Massachusetts the plows had been gone for the most part out of the towns budgets and most of them are hired out independently-there had not been that much snow in the years before I moved up here. In this area-the towns need them. They are not only an essential part of the town-but huge as well. They are known to run people off the roads if you are travelling too slow-not everyone up here has a four wheel drive! But they also knock over the less restrained mailboxes.

I never understood the mailbox thing until my first winter. Most mailboxes are way up high and are cleverly and independently attached. Some are on tall poles and are attached to the poles on dangling chains-which I find effective, since the mailboxes just dangle with the plows going by and are usually not lost. Some are on logs, some are built inside logs. They are all built to withstand the powerful plows going by. I do not know how may times I had my mailbox tossed and had to find in through several feet of snow. I always find mail in the Spring when the snow melts though, and sometimes-I wish I hadn't!

People have to line the dooryard (driveways) with tall poles-this is for the plows to find the area to plow-which would otherwise not be found in just an average storm here that falls weekly. I have since lost the fire pit and tried to find it today (so the plow would not hit it) Alas, still not found to this moment. People frequently throw the ashes out from the wood stove onto the walkway so that it prevents some icing-sometime straight from the stove-organic of course. This only leads to a huge mess- and I have since given that practice up. You also have to make sure that you have plenty of sand for the driveway. This winter someone came by in a truck and went around house to house charging $10 to spread it out on the dooryards! I thought it a wonderful idea-since the winters here create one monster of an ice pit in the driveway. You must have excellent traction and even spikes on your boots to even get to the car on days when it is not snowing! I have fallen many times and still never underestimate the power of it! I have since purchased some spikes that I can attach and remove-greatest invention! My kids just sled down the driveway hill to the bus stop on their sleds. They are so creative.

After the snow has piled up several feet, there is a huge coat of ice over it that makes it almost easy for kids to walk on and us to suffer in trying to catch them or rescue them from going down hills they cannot return to the top on! My youngest daughter Tiffany loves to slide down the hills on sleds and her but and scream for me to rescue her. It is almost a game now. I careful trek down the very steep hill to the bottom, keeping balance on the very high icy snow-by digging in an old shovel as I make my way slowly down. I bring her up on the sled that I tie to my waist and trek back up via shovel. Then when I am almost inside the house taking off my boots, she yells out again for the game to repeat. Great work out-let me tell you!

There are many stories about those who plow up here in the country. I have heard from some who have been here many years that they would all hang out in the garage waiting til after 5p- to plow (mostly getting drunk) and then going out to plow to get the time and a half in pay. How true that is-I would never know, I haven't been here that long and this was before my time. When I first moved up here I was amazed that I could have my neighbor's father plow my driveway for a six pack of beer-cans! I found out from someone else (Everybody seems to know everybody else up here!) that he used to work for the town and was one of those talked about. Now, I never bothered to peek and see if he actually drank that beer that I gave him while he was plowing my driveway or not-I was afraid to! Just as long as he did not knock over my mailbox!

Then there is the yukky snow that builds up in the tire wells that you need to kick out or it slows down the car. This needs to almost be done on a daily basis up here.

In the fall there is the much waited for snow-people still get nostalgic up here remembering vainly the days sat by the wood stoves. When that first real accumulating snow occurs everyone stops to embrace it-even Mainers! Then it does not stop. The days grow shorter and colder. The temperatures drop down to way below zero-this winter it had dropped down to 50 below! There there is the wind that follows. The initial snow of the season does not usually bring this-but it is fast behind to remind you that your house better be draft tight. About September-when the nights are below freezing, people hit the stores buying lots of plastic to put up on the windows with staple guns to fight the wind we know is close behind the early scenic snow. We go out and add to our winter wardrobe and buy even warmer boots and jackets and find all of the thermals packed in the attic and the wool socks. You need wool up here-that is a must. I always try to crochet a new blanket to add to our growing supply in the living room and bedrooms. There are never enough blankets-my bedroom is on the end of the house and the wood stove does not reach it well and in the cold winter nights and I have my littlest daughter and I sleep in our thermals all snuggled under twenty or so blankets.

That early snow is always fun for the kids to play in and not that bad shoveling. Then more is added along with the winds that will actually knock you down if not prepared for it. As the snow piles up outside the roads become more precarious and they are not plowed as much as before due to the towns budgets. The chains are added to the buses that pick up the kids and the kids wait at the bus stop all clad from head to toe in their winter gear, complete with the essential snow pants for the windchill!. My youngest goes through three pairs each winter and grows out of them by next winter.

We have a barn with sheep, so every storm we are out shovelling to get to them. This is the time of year when we cannot have the garden hose fill up their trough out in the field-but we have to trudge out large buckets of water and bring in the frozen ones to thaw out before dumping and refilling again. We fill up the water for them in the kitchen sink. Also the snow is piled up so high, when there arrives a day when they can no longer go out in their beloved field and are virtually snowbound until Spring thaw when we are finally able to open the barn doors again. This time of year we add wood shavings to their stalls and are constantly breaking ice for them. In the winter, those buckets freeze solid in hours-if that and we always have spare ones filled to replace them from inside! My sheep are Icelandic though and love the snow. I have seen them outside during a small storm with inches of snow on their backs-not frazzled by it one bit!

Up here, the average snowfall is 90 inches, but usually by the end of the winter is seems like a lot more than that. Last winter we had a record of over eight feet of snow in total! The Blizzard of 78 is weak in comparison to the average winter up here! I do love it or I would not still be up here. There is a definite pride in surviving all of it and the battle stories at work are a testament to it. Just last night we had 26 and a half inches of snow and most of us still made it in to work! I had to first shovel out to the barn and make sure the sheep were taken care of. My daughters were home from school and maintained the wood stove and kept up on the wood supply and watched the animals. I had to then shovel out to find my car! I gave in and begged my daughter to help. I went into work for a later shift-but after digging out-some of the drifts were up to my shoulders and the snow left by the plow at the end of the drivway was brutal! I am going to try to upload some pictures of this snow of today. The snow today was of the Spring snow variety, where the temperature was around 30. It was still powdery for the most part and easy to shovel-though there was a lot of it. The snow had drifted into my yard and in the back I can no longer see the dog house or the side of the barn-so high was it piled up! Some drifts were way over my head! Nature is incredibly amazing here and never ceases to show me the power of it. I felt so spoiled growing up in Massachusetts!

As you can tell most of the people ski here and my daughters have learned how to ski in gym class! Sugarloaf is nearby and all of the other resorts within a half hour for the most part away from us here in Cheddahville! I have since learned to ski properly and love it! I can even now ski down a section of Sugarloaf called "Chicken Pitch" in that most people fall on this section. It is on Tote Road and in not really an expert slope-but I can now ski down it with out "ski-sitting" down it on my but-as I have before!

You cannot travel in your own backyard up here-you definitely need show shoes for this-which I have as well. There are also the snowmobiles. They are everywhere! The Maine snow trails are well groomed and lead all of the way to Canada. There are always snowmobiles parked at the local corner stores and gliding through the fields on any given day here. You can be as poor as dirt and still have some sort of snowmobile up here! Gotta love the priorities! In the depths of winter as the snow is piling high most people take to skiing, or the snowmobiling, and snowshoeing. The most interesting part is very rarely do people up here stay inside. There is always something to do that is outside. There might be piles of snow outside and you can no longer see out the first floor windows anymore-but you get outside and experience it! My daughters are always outside and in the Spring I can always find their sleds in various parts of the yard-long lost from not being brough in.

The best part of the great depts of snow and frigid temperatures in coming inside. It is essential that one wear many layers in the winter. It is easier to peel them off as you go inside to warm cozy houses where sometimes only Spring clothes suffice-since the wood stove is blazing and roasting everyone inside. You peel off the outer layers and hang them on racks to dry by the woodstove. The clothes usually have that woodsy smell of cedar or birch or elm, whatever was burned in the stove. I also put some oils and herbs on the pot of water on the stove like lavender or apple and cinnamon. The air gets so dry that it is almost unbearable during winters up here. The air dusty as well. My sinuses have felt the pain of a woodstove and some people mention they wake up with nosebleeds since the air is so dry! I have learned to hang my clean clothes to dry in the main room of the house to alleviate some of this and constantly replace the water on the stove. Also, lots and lots of moisturizer! This is key-each person up here has their own brand of preference regarding this-so valuable that it is here! I try many.

Despite all of this, nothing beats the pride you get after conquering so much nature to make to work on time! As well as the felling of curling up with a book by the woodstove. My dogs lounging by the base and my cats finding any spot by the windows possible. The snow piled up on the window sills or in the case of the snow last night-sticking to them. I pile on the blankets until the woodfire reaches my bones and then bask in the warmth of it all and of what is outside. A brief respite from the fury of nature is won in those lacadasical moments and treasured. Those moments make it all worthwhile. My daughters snuggling by me reading their own books by the glow of the kerosine lamps when the power is lost.

The snow in the depts of winter is dry and powdery and due to the cold-and does not happen at all. It can actually be too cold for snow! This happens in January-where we have frequent subzerio temperatures. You need to heat up the car for a half an hour just to get inside. There were many times when I had to heat up some water in a kettle to pour over the door-just to open it. You cover every inch of skin and run fast through the snow to get the keys inside to heat it up! Tires freeze when it is 25 below zero and the driving is sluggish-not to mention that you have to make sure you kick out the snow in the tire wells!

Needless to say there are many types of snow-And I know there is many more that I have to learn about. People have asked my why live in Maine. As you see above, there are many reasons. And when I can affornd snowmobile and to ski-there will be two more!

Why a Mainer would survive this economic crisis

First of all they are tough. Why do I say this? Because it is a harsh unforgiving climate in this tundra of a wilderness and I have learned quite a lot in just living here a few years. I also say this while snow is flying outside my window and having to remember to feed the wood to my wood stove or I will pay for it later... I moved up here for many reasons as I have already mentioned and I really had no idea of what I was getting into when I did. I wanted to learn to be more of who I truly was-a writer and an artist. I also had a dreams of owning a farm in these very same foothills. I used to live in Southeastern Mass and would drive up to Quebec City and on the way would look out the window and wonder what it would be like to live in this area. It was just a dream many years ago and I never thought I would be living it-or even what it would really entail.

I grew up relatively sheltered and in a small neighborhood where I had to be in when the street lights went on. I loved it and sometimes even miss the familiarity of those streets lights that would comfort me to sleep. Though I never forgot the real reason why I came here. That is what keeps me going in really tough times.

I lived a normal suburban life and commuted to work like my parents on route 128 north towards Boston. Getting a cup of Joe at the many stops of D-Donuts on the way. Parking in a public lot, high heels clicking the security of the life I had grown familiar with. Keys in my hand in case of being mugged... I never knew how fragile that life really was.

My youngest daughter is special needs and the daycares had trouble with her. Being single mother-even when I was married (I had always been the one to maintain the home and bills-long story). I had to find a new daycare and what she truly needed-and that could work with her issues. I had to give my notice to my job in Quincy-a job that I loved. The local day care at the time cost $95 a day. I was a property claims examiner for an insurance company and loved the people that I worked with, though did not make that much money-plus I very rarely had any financial help from either husband (now both ex-husbands). It was a secure job. But like a lot of people-I had to solve the problem at home and find a new daycare-none would take her, so I had to leave work-Also, my home mortgage was originally fixed for four years and it had turned into a variable-I had to sell the house. Thus, after a search on the Internet-I found my home. I was really looking for stability. I took a look around the life I was leading and for the first time-saw how shaky that it really was. I wanted to find a way to provide stability for my daughters. It was not going to work in Massachusetts. There was so much in that state that was shaky and life was not going to hold out the way I was living it. We were living a life that had many things in it that could have easily been left out-but not there. I was sick of competing with neighbors who I did not really know-for the neatest yard and the most electronics. I wanted to live a life that I felt was worth living without worrying about the little things that never really meant much to begin with. I wrote a list of what the real priorities in life should be and what I needed to do to get there. The best place for that was in Maine. Not the way I knew life-but what it should be. With genuine values-and not what the neighbors thought....

I wrote a list of what I really wanted out of life. First thing was Stability. I made the decision to leave the state that I grew up in an head for totally unfamiliar surroundings in search of this stability. I knew that in Maine I would find it. I wanted to learn to live a more frugal life and to live off the land. I wanted to become self-sufficient. This was a major goal and I had no idea how to go about it!

Upon finding this farm, I had to learn how to start one (it had not been an active farm in over 40 years-I had been told)-or resurrect it. I also had to learn how to maintain it and to feed the girls and live a normal life on it as well. This was not as easy as it sounds.

I had learned in the process, from many people who grew up here-how to overcome anything and to make everything work. I had very little money to begin with-all had gone into a house and acres surrounding. I logged the land to provide money to fence some of the land for animals and learned how to make a chicken coop from boards left over-from neighbors.

My garden is huge and I have learned how to freeze most of the food and veggies to take out over the winter to make sauces out of them. While we had the chickens-we had fresh eggs. Some of my friends know how to live without any running water or electricity and to survive in this climate happily. I have learned a lot of tricks in survival and how to eat with a budget that would make most people faint. It is done and we eat well. I have free heat from the wood on my land and wood stove. I have shoveled feet of snow-sometimes weekly just to get my car out of the driveway.

I have tortured my girls and by taking away cable for a few months-this did not last long since it nearly killed me! I figure if I can use that to get them to do their chores-it is well worth it! I have also learned the pay the few extra dollars for TIVO-so they can record their programs-the animals cannot wait for it to be convenient for someone to take care of them. Since we have no lights in the barn-the chores need to be done before it gets dark. My girls help maintain this farm and are much better than I ever was at their age. I came home and plopped my books at the top of the stairs and parked myself on the sofa to watch MTV for hours on end! My girls get up early each day and help me to bring the sheep out in the fields, break the ice in the buckets left out each night-to get more water from the sink in the kitchen and haul it back out. They bring up fresh firewood for the day from the basement and take the dogs out. They help me with the chores in cleaning the house as well. We are a team in this house and I am very proud of them. I got rid of the Internet for years and have finally decided to go back on-mainly because I wanted to sell the hats from the farm on the net-since I have no time to sell them locally. I go on power-school and keep in touch with their teachers so I know what they have due in school and their recent grades.

They also help me with the wool. They are always around during the sheering time and help bag the wool. Together we skirt it (Separate the good from the bad wool) and wash it and hang it out to dry. Then we card it-that is the hardest to get them to do. Though I have compromised and let them do my share of the housework-so I can catch up on it (mainly with the spinning and carding of the wool and crocheting the hats and other items). They each can crochet and will be learning how to spin the wool hopefully this year. They are already experts at the drop spindle. As I mentioned, I am very proud of them.

Most of the people in my town have farms and this is nothing new. Most of the kids here have their work on school and then the work on the family farm. On my road alone, there are people who raise animals for meat-such as chickens, beef, and pork. The kids chores are to feed them.

We have also learned to go without often, since I live in an area where the pay is pretty scarce. I am thankful to have a day job-to support our life and farm and need the farm money for the little extras. We have very few bills-mostly utilities and property taxes, clothes and food that we can't grow on the farm.

I have learned many ways to take care of my farm, home and kids from people who grew up here that are very wise. It is important in Maine for kids to be kids. We let our kids roam in the wilderness out back and instead of street lights calling them in at night-they can wander as long as they hear my car horn. We have a lot of acreage out back. My girls are certainly explorers and always love to be outdoors. They are always coming back in with something they have found out in the woods. They have also learned to carry a small pocket-knife-just in case. There are many critters out there. They also have to take a dog with them in case they get lost. Sometimes the dogs have wandered off and have come back after trying to herd a skunk or porcupine! They still have not learned from those experiences and each year I wonder when the next adventure will be-when I have to pick out the quills from my poor puppies!

We have a fire pit out back and listen to the loons and coy dogs at night and other sounds that we have grown used to. The fields light up with lightning bugs and surround us with billions of glittering stars. Above us is another light display complete with the Milky Way (I have heard that Maine is one of the few places where is is always seen). It is amazing to even camp out in the back yard. We do live in Vacation land after all!!

We have learned how to get water from a brook and to boil it and to cook on a camp stove. I have learned how to eat well spending under $60 a week-with some of the food stored over winter to supplement. Our clothes are sturdy and are bought to last. I can wash clothes in a brook as well (I learned that camping) and have learned how to hang them to dry-there is actually an art to that-in hanging them so they won't wrinkle!

When I first moved up here I asked my Mom how to hang up clothes on the line and she did not know-she always had clothes dryers. I had to ask a neighbor! I hang them up in the center of my house and it serves as a free humidifier! Cuts costs on the electric bills drastically. I wanted to get an antique clothes washer-one that did not use electricity-though having three girls-put the reality out of that one! It would take a month to wash their weekly clothes! So, I settled for hanging them up in the yard-below freezing and in the house-in winter.

I have also dried a lot of herbs from the garden and put them on a pot of water on the wood stove-it smells wonderful and adds more moisture. It is very dry inland in the winter and I had never suffered such before moving here. I was always close to the ocean where there was some moisture in the air-up here it can be brutal if you are not used to it. Moisturizer is key. A co-worker had mentioned an old favorite here called "Corn-huskers" Lotion-there really is such a thing! I am using it daily-because most of the products out on the market are not designed for life in Maine!

The clothes too! My budget is Wal-Mart. I used to love designer labels and have grown a much different attitude living here. That it does not make much sense spending the money on something that would not last to a life on the farm. I have found new brands up here that have become useful like the classic LL Bean-most of that works since it is made in Maine. Also Carhart. I have found that men's clothes are much more durable to working on a farm and have actually stole my ex-husbands flannels for going out to the barn. Mine were cute and all-though very light and did not keep me warm. I am also trying to find a pair boot that will last and am still looking. I last purchased cute boots at a Mall in Quebec City-very pretty and not cheap. Well, after one winter on my farm and over eight feet of snow-hand shoveling most of the driveway myself-all winter--they did not last. Near the end of the season my cute little boots fell apart! The sole popped off and I had to borrow some scotch tape from work so I could drive home in them! I had to wear my clogs until the winter ended-not fun at all! This winter, I bought the nice pair of boots for work and the cheep pair from Wal-Mart for the barn. It seems to be working. Especially-since I do not have to scrape off my boots before going into work!!

I have learned to use minimal electricity and have florescent lights all around my house. I make sure the lights are off in other rooms because I love the electric bill being under $50 a month. Each year I learn many new things and each year I try to outdo myself in saving more and more money. I learned that with a wood stove-the wood might be free-being from my own property-but the electric bills became vulnerable. The wood stove only heats a main portion of my house leaving the outer rooms cold and naturally the kitchen and bathroom are two of those rooms-along with my bedroom. Those rooms froze. I went out-to purchase electric heaters to take care of that! When it is cold here-it is beyond frigid! I remember many nights cuddled up in my bed with twenty blankets with my daughter shivering-hating the cold! I would see my breath outside of the covers and slept with my thermals and even slippers sometimes! You could see the ice forming on the windows. Unfortunately-the cold does not make the brain work that efficiently-when you are that cold and when I hooked up the electric heaters in the kitchen, bathroom, basement-for the pipes not freezing, and the bedroom-it was warm temporarily-until I got the bill! I am still reeling at that one! My bill for November was $58 and then in December had jumped to $220! Ouch. We were warm certainly-but snuggly-no! So, naturally I cut down the usage to putting them on only when the temp was below 35 degrees. Which was pretty much most of the time, until-only at nights. When I got the bill in February- I nearly had a cardiac and put an immediate stop to all of the electric heaters and fans. You need fans to circulate the heat from the stove. I shut off the heater down in the basement. We are getting well over a foot of snow tonight and I will go out early in the morning to shovel out my car to go to work and try to bank snow around the house to keep the pipes from freezing as well. No more fans and heaters-only the stove! If it gets much colder-than we will all sleep in the living room by the wood stove! If the pipes freeze in the basement-then we will go outside and bring in buckets of snow to thaw by the wood stove to cook and bathe with! I will wait for them (the pipes) to thaw in the Spring if I have to! As you can see I am very stubborn and am trying to survive. I have learned many lessons and take pride in living off very little. We now have a gas stove-so we can cook if we lose electricity and it can keep that side of the house warm if needed. I also have many handmade quilts and blankets to keep us warm and am learning more card games from my daughters. We have kerosene lamps to read by and many many books.

I love trying to figure out more ways to save money and to live a content life and I have learned much from my neighbors and friends here. I know the best places to swim and had to problem getting rid of my swimming pool. We bought one up from Mass and it lasted a year. I have since learned the most beautiful places to swim where only the locals know about and are absolutely free and gorgeous to boot!

I have also learned about something neat here that everyone seems to know how to make- Coffee-Brandy. This is something they make from special recipes and is delicious and definitely only for adults-it can warm you up on a a cold winter night by the wood stove or by the camp fire on a chilly Maine evening. The recipe is a little different and I could get hurt if I told even one of them. But is is delicious! They pretty much all know how to make it here. I have never heard of it before moving here.

So, I think that most of the places that I have been around the world-and I have traveled-only the Mainer seems to have a grip on what really matters and how to survive off very little and to be content. That is the key-contentment. You can be poor and be absolutely miserable-or you can live a rich and meaningful life and know what really counts. People here get that. They know that in tough times-people need to be there for one another and I see it almost every day. I had never seen that before. I was surrounded by many people- and felt alone-not here though. If someone is down and something happened like a house burning down. The community would gather together and build a new house and find food and clothes for the family. A lot of people do not have house insurance and have lost everything. Most fires are caused by kerosene heaters-because if they do not have a wood stove-most cannot afford oil and have old heaters. A lot of people fix things and build their own houses and even put in the electrical systems themselves-this causes alot of fires in Maine-especially out here in the wilderness. The town would gather and help that family. I have seen this on many occasions.

We all are facing tough times because of the economy and tough times are not strange to life up here. They have grown accustomed to helping people out-often when they have little to give or spare themselves. They help because they know that someday-it might be them who might need it someday. I suppose this kind of attitude has been lost in the suburbs and cities where families are far apart. People know that my family is far away and have reached out to help me on occasion. People in Maine know what is important; family, friends and a life of happiness. To help others in need-because it might be you someday. To live off the land-because it is better for you and it gives you a wonderful pride knowing where the food on the table comes from. To let kids be kids-chores give them a pride as well in that they are helping the family and learn responsibility. Letting kids be kids-we laugh when our kids get dirty. We let our kids drive snowmobiles and four-wheelers (if you are lucky enough to have them) and to run out in the woods-as long as they bring a dog. We let them fish in the marshes out back and come back in so muddy they have to be hosed down. We let them climb on the farm animals and to take the dogs out on leashes to lead them out on their sleds down monster hills. We let them climb on the sheep until they are kicked off! We let them walk across the fences in the fields and to catch thousands of fireflies in glass jars.... They might come inside dirty and bruised from a long day of play-but they are content-tired and most of all-happy! They also might have a million patches on their jeans from how rugged they are-but they come home and cuddle with me by the wood stove or camp fire at night after a full belly from food grown mostly on our farm!

Most of the time I love this life and am rarely reminded of how frugal we live-until I leave this area. You can easily get lost in the cocoon of life in the mountains of western Maine-it seems to be separated from the rest of the world. The pace is slower here and when you go into town-you can guarantee that you will meet up with at least three people that you know-I have actually counted more and more the longer that I have been here. It is amazing! I can go into town totally sick-and I have just this Tuesday-in my pajamas to buy some medicine (I have found out that I am actually allergic to my wood stove and have had to stock up on sinus medicine). Naturally I bumped into two people who knew me and chuckled after they made fun of me in my sickened state. "Ayuh, think ya might jest be 'llergic ta that stove o' yours!" You think! Achoo!

I have not cared about dressing up since I don't have to even at work. The moral is so low-they let go of a lot of people recently and to cheer us up have let us wear jeans to work. It does help. A lot of my dress pants need thermals and the jeans are a little warmer.

Up here time is alot slower and there is no such thing as traffic. You keep your eyes glued to the news for the latest storms to know when to park your car at the end of the driveway and the make sure you have enough food for the house and animals in the barn. You go to work-look out for moose- and drive home- and look out for moose. You get home, take care of the farm and kids and wood-pretty simple. That is the way life should be. There are no angry people waiting in line-people are not in a rush here. You don't have to have a fancy house-no one cares-if you can even see your neighbors. Mowing the lawns-you can really get away without doing even that. My lwnmower kept breaking down and I had noticed that a neighbor down the road had some sheep tied on stakes and moved them about durng the week to different spots. That was how I purchased my first sheep. I didn't know how to fix my lawnmower! I also loved the idea that I did not have to rake my leaves. I have a monster yard. My parents decided to build a home up here and my father went out and purchased a John Deer to mow the lawn and to play farmer. I am fine without-the lawn mowed-I do have sheep-but it makes him happy! I think I am going to buy him a cowboy hat! He loves it when I call him when the sheep break out of the fences-because he will get on his four-wheeler and chase them all back into the barn! It is really funny and I have actually let them out on purpose when his favorite Wimbleton Tennis Tournament was on-to see what he would do-he forgot about the tennis and hopped on the four-wheeler and went in pursuit of those sheep-with a great big smile on his face! I definately think I will get him that hat!

Never boring in Cheddahville........

Dashboard light

I heard that song today. Remember the song from Meatloaf? I know that totally dates me and all. I was sitting in my car during my lunch break today. As usual it was very cold and I did not feel like standing under the shelter they provide at work. It is an overhang off the side of the building and most of it is protected from the harsh winds up here by the monster piles of snow. I work in Wilton Maine and the weather can be brutal to say the very least. Most of us brave the elements all year round for our treasured breaks by breaking free outdoors to smoke our homemade cigarettes. The tax up here is very expensive and most of us buy the tobacco at the local Tobacco store and have machines and make them at home. That is one of my very few luxuries. Most of my income goes to my daughters and our cherished farm nestled deep in the mountains of western Maine. We all work at a company and most of us are licensed brokers though due to the economy here, our lives are pretty rugged. We are toughened by the harsh climate and laugh about many things outside on those breaks. I always wear hats made from my farm from my own sheep. They definitely are perfect for the frigid weather. We face each other braving whatever forces of nature that surround us in our escape from the demands of life here in Maine. Our smiles are weather-beaten and forged in camaraderie as we reach out for the warmth of each other's hardships outside of work and the economy as it reaches each and every one of us. After letting those in to our lives for those brief moments we stamp out the mark of our conversation and trek back inside to the warmth of our coworkers in our tiny cubicles. We all smile softly each day as our badges still work to let us in the building and crack jokes about the Staples boxes that have led our missed and less fortunate coworkers away. Yet for those moments and when we return to our cubicles-we can forget about the troubles that we work hard for. Our laughter and shared jokes make it worth the commute in through the mountainous roads dodging moose. We can smile and remember that we are not alone.

Wow, did I drift on that opening.... sorry! I am a writer. Anyways.... today, rather than sit outside on the frigid bench-sometimes alone (my coworkers have dwindled in number radically over the past few months)-I decided to sit out in my car. First I had another coworker check the oil in my car. It was discovered yesterday that it was very low and that something was wrong. I just had it changed a few months ago. I wonder if the troubles only wait for the next one to be dealt with.... He noticed that it was still low and leaking. We also noticed that the van next to mine had a flat tire. I smiled to myself sadly, knowing that I was not alone in my army of items to be fixed. I at least could get home right after work! The temperature was cold, though not as bad as it had been lately, though the wind made it so it would have been difficult to stand outside for long. Most of us seek shelter in our cars on days like this. Though others tend to brave the fierce "wheel of Death" as they call the food vending machines inside. I am not normally hungry at lunch. I have been struggling to maintain my farm and my children on a meager budget and have had to replace a few major items. I had learned to conserve on my end of the list by not eating until supper each day. I save the money for the girls lunches and a large meal at the end of the day. Since I bought my farm I love the idea of owning things the old fashioned way. I have paid off all of my college debts, and most of the bills and dwindle them down further. I do not live on credit cards and live only on what I earn. Our lifestyle is simple, though very secure. Our home is small, though warm and happy. Our farm sustains most of our needs and I have a lot stored from our garden for the winter months. I have learned to eat when I am hungry-not because it is time for a meal. In the spring and summer-I eat a lot more since I am working outside on the farm and my body demands more sustenance. In the winter, the work is mainly indoors and requires a lot less energy. Thus, my lack of meals during the day.

I went out to my car to check the oil. As soon as the door was shut the cold wind was almost forgotten, I turned on my car for the music. We have very few stations that survive way up here and one of them is a classic rock station that just happened to be on at the time. Sometimes a station will come in clear and then you pass to the other side of the hill and lose it-you get used to it and tend to listen to CD's more often as a result. After this long introduction, you are probably wondering where this will lead.

The song was Dashboard Light by Meatloaf and it was played very low since I was talking with a co-worker who just happened to join me for lunch conversation in the shelter of my car. The conversation was wonderful as it usually is and the song played low in the background. I don't think he noticed-but I did-but only for while because I enjoyed the company. That song took a hold on me since it had been years since I had heard it and found it funny of when it was noticed. During the day I thought about that song and the precious memory that it had brought back to the surface. It is getting hazy and it was a brief moment in time when it was forever etched in my mind. It was not what you think-but something truly wonderful that had occurred along with hearing this song that it had opened the doors to my mind and the world.

Now you are thinking-Dashboard Light? How ever could that particular song-other than what it is about- bring about something so profound. I will tell you.

Years ago, in the fall of 1989 as a matter of fact, I was 19 years old. No, I am not timeless (though I always tell my children I am)-now you know. When I was 19 I had dropped out of college to travel Europe (I did return to college after that trip)-it was my lifelong dream to travel and to see the world. That will be another blog because I naturally had many adventures over there-even though years old by now. I went to Europe for many weeks and one part of that trip ended up in Venizia (Venice, Italy)....

Now, to think about a beautiful warm day while sitting in a car-sheltering from the elements with a coworker who is clearly entertaining.... well that's just me-to be polite I went back into that conversation with him and returned to my memory of that warm tranquil days later on, of what had happened around this song twenty years ago.

That day myself and two other girls from Australia were sunning ourselves lazily on the docks of the island where the main canals were. We had walked around that ancient island and got lost on purpose and found a delightful restaurant and purchased a pizza for 8,000 lira and then lounged on the docks to rest our weary travel-worn bodies. The buildings that I had seen in a thousand movies smiled hazily though the sun at our wonderment of actually being here. The famous tall green shutters thrown open to catch the same sun that we dozed under contentedly. Whenever I travel I walk a lot and it had caught up to us in that moment. It was so warm, the sun was streaming down on us at just the perfect rate as to lull us to fall on the docks while we waited for the water taxi. I can still hear the sound of the pigeons that flocked out of the Piazza St. Michael's from the tourists' shuffling. Time could have stood still in that moment-bringing us back with it to the history that surrounded us. Gondola's drifted by us and the smells of fine Italian pastries wafted out to our sunburned noses. (Odd, since the day before we were on a Mount Jungfrauloch in Switzeland skiing.) There were a few others, but the three of us broke boundaries and lounged wearily on the wooden docks waiting for the taxi to bring us back to the Lido Island where they had the tour hostel where we were were staying.

The taxi's normally sit 58 people as we were told and when it arrived we had to split up for a seat-it was so full. It started out as a normal boat ride. I sat there and noticed conversations from every language possible. I heard English, French, German, Chinese and so forth. It was almost dizzying and confusing to my tired mind. I was surrounded by people and felt so alone in that one moment. And then I heard in the background that someone had a radio. It was barely perceptible at first since it was lost among so many voices-though gradulally it was noticed-obviously by not only myself. It was playing a song- Dashboard Light by Meatloaf. It was funny because I cannot recall who had actually started it, but when I felt so alone-I gained comfort in a familiar song. A song that I had sung in the past with my friends-now thousands of miles away. Someone started to sing along and then slowly-others joined. I do not know how long that boat ride was-but in record time the boat had divided and people who were separated by language all of a sudden broke out with the song. Men Against women-laughing and singing them in perfect unison! I had no idea how famous this song was , but I joined in as loud as we all had become. It was truly wonderful singing a song with perfect strangers. That was one of the first moments in time when I realized how small this world really is. By the end of the song-languages had melted and were almost screaming this song and laughing in the beat provided and in the confines of the small water taxi. We-complete strangers had shared a moment that I hope remained in their memories as long as it has for me.

I like recalling events like this when I feel alone sometimes. So, today in my car thousands of miles away when I heard that song again in the background I smiled for that moment now lost in time and no longer felt so alone. Plus the conversation was good and I knew that when I got home in my warm home heated by the wood stove-I would be able to recall this cherished memory so that it would never be lost. I would also have a new memory to add to it-years later. This world is not as large as we really think it is- and that song is only one of the many proofs of this that I have had the privilege to witness. A song played as background that can bring so much to heart. A song that makes me laugh and smile with the memories that it creates. Oh, Meatloaf-had you any idea? "I really love that Rock and Roll!" To Eddie! lololol

So warm up and dont forget the meatloaf-even after 20 years....

My gas stove

Usually I have fun writing about past events, but tonight I will break that pattern and write about a current event. My life offers so many adventures, that I have learned long ago to just go with the flow and try to stay afloat. I have drowned many times-though I suppose it helps with the writing material!

With my gas stove, I will mention that it has been recent addition to my household and has had its own personality added to my household with just the events that have unfolded around it.

When I purchased the house in 2003 I was very upset about the electric stove. For many reasons. I do love to cook-when I have the time and well, for anyone who cooks-they can appreciate the power of a gas stove. My house in Norton introduced me to one and I had been hooked. So, needless to say-I was sad when I found this house with everything that I fell in love with -absent the gas stove. Also it is an added bonus in an old farmhouse for the extra heat that it brings to that side of the house that tends to be rather cold in the winter and away from the wood stove. It also comes in handy during a power loss when I can still cook-rather than running to dig out my grill under the many feet of snow-which I have done-for pure hunger reasons in past winters up here!

Anyways, I had learned to adjust to this house's lack of gas stove and settled with cooking on the very antiquated electric stove. I knew it was on it's last legs and kind of wished it along. Though with life, things never happen with good timing and this was one of those occasions. By the time that it finally died-I was adjusted financially to a very low budget for the household. I live in an area where the income level is horrific. Though I have adjusted and budgeted accordingly and have relatively few expenses at the current time. Naturally my electric stove did not agree with this and let me know that it was time to die. It did. So then I was left with no stove at all! Be careful what you wish for! I usually get what I wish for but at the worst possible timing-as was the case of my stove.

However, for a short while I just happened to be in a relationship. This is another long blog, which I will save for another time. This relationship was short lived and he was a nice guy (just not the one for me). Thus, it was during this relationship-when he was on the road (he travelled being a welder and happened to be in Pennsylvania) I mentioned my dilemma. He came to my rescue-though I had to wait until he came home-which was two weeks away. That was okay-being a new Mainer (in my heart) I had no problem adjusting. So for two weeks I cooked in a crock pot and purchased a toaster oven as well as the microwave I already had. And with that army of appliances I had assembled an adequate makeshift army and cooked proudly for two weeks on those things until he came home. When he arrived we went straight to Sears and purchased a new stove. It is a really nice one and has 5 burners! I love it and now cook on my Wok happily. I had stored it since I could not use it on my electric stove.

So happily I cooked on my new gas stove for a few months. Now during all of this I had noticed that my two female kittens went into heat and my male kitten did too. I noticed a horrible smell in the house and naturally blamed it on my male kitty as leaving his mark. Though I had searched the house in vain-finding no evidence of this-yet the smell drove me crazy! I went out and purchased air fresheners.

Naturally, I had no idea that the smell could have been something else. I have a wood stove-so did not think of anything like a gas leak as being the issue. Unfortunately with my wonderful luck that is what it turned out to be! I was a little concerned since I had an experience while living in my first house in Attleboro. This event in the past had probaby occurred sometime in the late 90's when I was working at home as a paralegal. My house was in downtown Attleboro and was a pretty little victorian. I was sitting on my couch working on something with my laptop when I heard a loud explosion nearby. The house shook and the windows rattled. I had found out on the news that a gas line had been struck while people were digging nearby and a house had exploded as a result of this! This had occurred a few miles from where I lived, though I felt a lot of that impact and it had terrified me of the power of gas. I was always very cautious since my own houses had all required gas heat and was piped in as well. This propane tank was a whole new ball park. So when I smelled the gas-I wanted to nake sure that the house was safe.

My boyfriend at the time knew all about welding and after we purchased the stove-he had hooked it up and converted it for the propane tank all by himself. This was approved by the gas company when they put in the propane tank. This was all well and good.

Now, the night before, my friend Heather was over and she noticed the smell too. After commenting about it and thinking of what it might be-I checked in the booklet I received and did the scratch and sniff test of what a leak smelled like. Naturally it matched! Now, keep in mind that I have a wood stove and smoke in the house occasionally. Panic set in. This was Tuesday morning when it was finally detected. Tuesday is my normal day off from work and was the day that I had scheduled all of my errands, appointments and work on the farm. I had a booked day and hoped that it might possibly be something else.

That day I had planned to spend at both banks. I keep meticulous track of my accounts since I pretty much live check to check and noticed a discrepancy in both accounts. I had to go to the bank where one of them had some bounced checks first. I had money to cover the checks out and could not afford this. This was my only day off to take care of this matter. So Heather offered to stay at the house while I went to the bank to settle the account. It turned out that someone had taken $70. out without my authorization. So, two hours later-I had taken care of this matter and even signed an affidavit and written statement to have the funds returned. I finally found out that the gas company had called. They had no trucks available until the next say when I had to work! I had a gas leak in my house and had to turn off the tank. So, therefore I had no stove to cook on!

She offered to stay at the house to wait for the gas person to show up to fix the leak-though it was not possible. She had recently gotten into a car accident (she was stopped at a red light and someone rear-ended her vehicle-her car was totalled and the company was coming the next day to pick it up!) So, she was not able to stay and that night my daughter was sick and I knew that I had to keep her home the next day. So, she could not be there for the gas person-I needed to find an adult and my daughter naturally did not qualify for this-being 15. I have no one up here for situations like this and did not know what to do. I have reached a point in my life where instead of panicking-I kind of just accept things. What can one do really? It is what it is.....

So I had a plan to call up work and ask if I can come in late (They do not offer sick days and if I could not find someones shift to replace-then I was out of luck and money that I need). My account was dwindled down due to the bank mishap and I have very little left in it anyways-until it is restored.

That night I had no other choice but to take the girls to McDonald's and then go home to come up with a plan for Wednesday (today). My plan was to call the gas company first thing in the morning to beg them to come out the earlier the better and then to just go in late to work. I knew that this would be a huge sacrifice financially -though could think of no other alternatives.

Now keep in mind that I had a sick daughter at home as well. I had to do my usuall chores and hers as well. She normally takes the sheep out in the field and feeds them and takes the dogs out for their business walk. I also had all of my pre-work chores and I had to bring up a lot of firewood for the next day or two from the basement. This all had to be done, while getting my youngest up, dressed, fed breakfast and off to school. Also I had to make the calls to the gas company, the school to call in for my sick daughter Jacqui, and to call in late to work and to find someone to switch schedules with! I was preparing to go to bed with a stress headache.

That night when I was sinking into my peace mood where I hope that when I wake up things will work out. I have learned long ago not to panic-but to wait and see. Sometimes I wake up with a better plan after I have cleared my head a bit. Before I even had a chance to do that I had received a call from Heather's Mom, Bernice. She had called and offered to sit and wait for the gas company. She had saved all of my problems and I was able to go to bed with a clear head. I slept well. Thanking the stars for good people. Sometimes in Maine when you think you are alone-someone offers a helping hand.

So, I woke up in the morning and was able to take care of all of the business that I needed to do and my sick daughter and know that I did not have to lose any valuable money from the next pay check. I just mentioned to her Mom, Bernice that the limit for the visit was $189. That was all that I had left in my account until the next pay check on the 20th! She had saved us! She assured me that all would be well and she was able to stay here until they arrived.

I went to work and even had a sale on a very slow call volume day. I sell car insurance to people in New Jersey. I came home and found a check from my own car insurance company-apparently I had overpaid them again and received a check for $72.00! I tend to do that. I am nervous about paying all of my bills and actually love it when I am able to cover them all and more. On this occasion-it had arrived at a good time for me.

I did find a receipt from the gas company that they had fixed the leak though it cost me $126.31!! I had expected that. I have also noticed that the sporadic child support that I sometimes receive-had dwindled to nothing and I do not even have that as back up. I had learned long ago-never to count on that. Then again-it is what it is. I am now waiting for that money (the unauthorized amount recently taken) to be returned to my bank account and the overdraft fees reversed.

This was not the first time that someone had gotten into my account this year-earlier I had found out that $248.00 was missing from my account-when I had inquired I had found out that a Phyllis Prewett from Alabama had used my account to cancel her Direct TV! I do not have Direct TV and do not know ANYBODY from Alabama-let alone Phyllis (I had dragged this out from someone at Direct TV-while investigating!)

The current money taken I can wait for. I have learned if nothing else- patience. There is nothing else up here but that and snow! Though currently we are having a heat wave and it actually reached 40 degrees today and I did not have to wear my hat! We might even be getting some rain tomorrow-I almost forgot what that is like and count the days until Spring. I had moved to Maine to escape drama-though it always seems to find me! I learned a few years back not to cry at the sign of trauma-but to tackle it head on and have gotten pretty good at it too. It makes for good writing and gives me somethig to be proud of-yet another trajedy survived! There is nothing that I can do about this and other events, though now I have my wonderful gas stove back!